By Stephanie Ifemenam
Pull up a chair and sit down… Honey chill,its time to talk…
Can we talk? I mean talk without pretense,
posturing or qualifying…this is real life and not a show.
I often wonder if anyone is really tuned to real
life. I wonder if anyone is really seeing what we
are doing to one another. Hurting one another.
Let’s talk about acknowledging and learning to
celebrate this simple fact..men and women are
I long for all women to sink back into the
glorious place of truly being women the same
way I long for a hot bath when all my muscles
I have noticed so many “Feminist groups” on
social media all in the name of “Protection
Against Domestic Violence”
I sincerely believe that Domestic violence is a
terrible thing which should be curbed or bridled.
But the question is…are these group of women
really curbing Domestic Violence or destroying
the homes of other women?? I dunno.
Let’s talk about why a lady who just got married
will see no other important thing to do with her
married life but to run and join those groups on
social media,even when her husband has not
physically abused her. Why? Is it really
Why make your husband a “Prospective enemy”??
Why look for extra power to fight nothing? Why
would you allow some set of women where
majority of them are either single/single mothers
or divorced to run your home?
Like I would always say…relationship/marriage is
the way the two people in it would want it to be
with the exclusion of all other persons.
Go and build your home and stop seeking
validation from without and to reclaim it from
within. All these groups of feminist will give you
different opinions on marriage which would leave
you confused and may also lead to unhealthy
rivalry in your home.
Men are different everywhere.. Its not the same
way Mr A treats his wife that Mr. B treats his
wife…..Punchline: understanding between the
I always tell my friends that to get married is a
decision one has to make when she is ready both
mentally and physically and not because of
age,parents or society….just like I always get
scared when someone mentions marriage to me.
WHY?because my “mental being” is not just
ready for it.
Decide before you get married whether or not
you respect(not love now) the man you are
considering as a marriage partner enough to
submit to him. Don’t ignore the signs while you are still free to
make an informed choice.
Do yourself a favour… Don’t get married and
then start flexing your muscles. It will make both
of you miserable, and its just too exhausting in
the long run. Remember… Partnership should reduce
stress,not heighten it.
But why can’t we women create a group on
social media and tag it “Being a Better Wife/Woman.
Being a feminine woman is not synonymous with
being a weak woman…how did we get
here? Who did this to us??who made us believe
that if we are not ” as” another,then we are less than the other?
What a ridiculous concept!!!
Struggling to get credit for something I still can’t
We put men on the defensive, and that put us on
the defensive now,with everyone defending
themselves, we are all losing ground.
Ladies, how do we get back to the place of
women being women and men being men and
Just be a woman…warm and soft, relaxed and
Remember, Eve influenced Adam to eat of the
fruit…this is where the first lesson lies.
She didn’t grow hair on her chest,flex muscles,
get political, and talk or walk like a man. She
simply extended him an enticing invitation to
sample what she was serving.
I don’t know how delicate to say this but I will
just say it and I hope it gets the best of you…..I
don’t want to roar or go to war. I believe I can
speak in a normal tone and still be heard. That I
can stand perfectly still and manage to get
things done…that I can influence rather than
provoke… Inspire rather than challenge.
Yes, girlfriend… Its time to get this thing
right,not just for the sake of your own joy level
but also for the peaceful state of that which
emanates from your home, your job,your
church,your community, your city,your state,your
nation and your sake in Eternity!
(Stephanie Ifemenam is an Abuja-based young female lawyer)